On Wednesday, I went to a university interview in the next city over from me, for a course that is only ran at that university. I thought it went well, don’t get me wrong and everyone there was lovely. The course itself is great! However I feel like it just confused me a bit more with what I wanted to do, something didn’t quite sit right with me and I like to go with my instincts with things like this.
I met up with my sisters in the evening for some food and told them about my audition and everything I had been thinking about all day. Then my oldest sister said something that, at the time, I didn’t like. ‘You’ve got to own your decision.’
I HATE making decisions, even about where to go for food. I hate the pressure or the responsibility of picking a place that someone doesn’t really want to go to and they are just being polite or that ends in disaster for whatever reason. Which I know is silly but the problem is 2 things, which I’m sure everyone can identify with, which are;
1. I’m a people pleaser.
2. I never want to be or do wrong/make a mistake.
Both of which are ridiculous because the decision to go to university and what to study can’t be about anyone else but me and I’m going to make mistakes in my life so if I spend all of it worrying, I’ll never fully live. Which, in my opinion, is absolutely terrifying. Making mistakes shows growth (like all things, within reason of course).
After taking some time to think about it I’ve made a decision that feels right and will stick with it, without doubting myself or letting others people’s opinions sway me.
If, later in life, I feel I made a mistake then I will have learnt from it and if I’m not happy, I’ll change it but for now I have decided to take on the phrase I didn’t like very much.
‘Own your decision.’
Credit given to both my sisters.
Thank you for constantly supporting me in whatever path I take and always having my back.