Thursday November 1st 2018…
I haven’t posted anything on here for MONTHS. If I’m honest, I lost the drive to write anything. I never felt that I really made a place for myself in the ‘blogging world’, there’s no niche that I fit into and the last thing I ever wanted to do was write about things just to get views and likes, but that’s what it turned into. I found myself writing ‘Top 5 ways to…’ which works for some people, but it just felt like I was being untrue to myself. I constantly read that to ‘make it’ you had to pick a topic and stick to it, but that’s not me. I stopped hearing my voice coming out and instead, honestly, I was trying really hard to be someone I’m not.
I watched others that I had connected with going to events, getting the most amazing opportunities and asking ‘why is that not me?’, whilst I watched yet another serial killer case video on YouTube and hid away, all while knowing how much hard work and dedication it is to create and sustain a blog.
This translated over into my ‘off-line’ life too.
I started to look around at people getting engaged, having children, incredible jobs, going travelling, making plans and thinking that I had to do what they were doing to get that.
It got to the point that I would start to get this pit in my stomach whenever my friends were talking about something I wanted badly in life and it would leave me feeling awful that the whole way through the conversation I had just thought about myself and my wants, wondering when it would be my time to have that too, instead of focusing on my friend, being present and happy for them.
Tonight is the night, with a stomach full of pizza, red wine in hand, I say ‘Fuck That’.
It doesn’t matter if my life is going a different direction to what I thought it would.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t have hundreds of people reading my blog.
It doesn’t matter if someone is doing something I have always wanted to now.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t post at the ‘optimal time’ for likes.
It doesn’t matter.
So, with that being said, I’m taking this little space back to what I originally intended it to be. For the month of November, I would like to post a little something every day.
No flashy titles, no following trends, no obsessing over followers.
It’s called Jessie’s Journal for a reason, it’s a journal and if people decide to read it, great. And if they don’t, great.
It’s time to strip it back.
If you’ve actually read this, then thanks for sticking around and I’ll see you all tomorrow.
‘A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.’ – Unknown