From Now What to What Next?

Following on from something I wrote yesterday, about how I’m not where I thought I would be right now and how my life has taken a different path than originally planned.

I’ve always struggled with not being on the same level as other people and not going at their pace in life. I’ve always felt like I needed to be and do more and ‘get ahead’. In some ways this is probably quite a healthy and ambitious way to think but in others, when things just don’t go to the way I’ve planned it to, it’s a very easy road to take into negativity and allowing myself to wallow.

My life has changed in multiple ways over the last few months.
I was left in a ‘now what?’ place.
You know the place where you feel like you’ve just been chucked overboard and left in the middle of an ocean to fend for yourself?

I was very much the analogy of the duck, who looked like they had it all together above the surface but underneath, I was trying desperately to keep myself afloat. I realised I had been like that for quite a while longer than my pride would like to admit.

But over the last month and a half, slowly and with a lot of intention, I’ve been learning more and more that instead of being left alone in the middle of the ocean, I’ve actually been given a life-raft, a map and the opportunity to go anywhere I could possibly dream of.

Instead of ‘now what?’, I’m saying ‘what’s next?’

What’s the next adventure?
What’s the next thing I want to do?
What’s the next thing I want to learn?
What’s the next thing I want to bring into my life?
What’s next?

I have no clue what I’m doing and the fact is, no one else really does either!
I wing my way through life daily, knowing that anything can change in a simple, unsuspecting moment and instead of finding that thought absolutely terrifying, I find it the most freeing thought of them all.

‘I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.’ – Rosalia de Castro


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