Over the weekend, I realised there’s currently two types of people in my life.
There are those who are in long-term relationships, engaged and married and those who are not.
Those who are not are then split into; never been in a relationship, seeing/dating people and talking to people, or at least have an emotional investment in someone.
Being single means something different to everyone, let me just preface this by saying that no ones way of being that is right or wrong. However realising these are the two groups I have in my life makes me question, does anyone actually know how to be single? Single in the sense of not dating/talking to/not having feelings towards anyone.
Does anyone know how to just be?
I have fallen into the trap a few times before.
The trap of feeling a little bit lonely and just wanting another person to go home to or on the other end of the phone, someone to cuddle up to and know they’ll be ‘your person’ for a little bit of time. So, I would talk to anyone and at first, that’s great. That’s the attention you need. But after that it doesn’t really mean much else and you either end up stringing someone along or feeling empty again and back on a constant hunt for another person to fill the space.
I know and have been with people who have had ‘back up choices’, or other people they could be with, if the relationships break down so they wouldn’t be on their own or just have someone else to talk to and get attention from so they could feel better, quicker.
Is just being by yourself/not talking to/not dating for any period of time even a thing anymore?
Why can’t we be allowed to just be, whether that’s for 6 months or 6 years?
It seems like there’s an unspoken pressure to always have something going on in your romantic/sex life and if there isn’t then there’s something wrong with you or you’re not over your ex or you need something to be going on… like being by yourself isn’t enough and you can’t possibly live a fulfilled life without a romantic partner.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t something I have even nearly perfected but there’s definitely so much more you can have in your life.
My life is currently being taken up with everything that comes with university, trying to be a good employee, friend, daughter, sister, writer, leader and so much else. I am crazy busy and most days I’ll fall into my bed at the end of the day with a happy heart and that’s the same for a lot of single people, so why do we still feel this pressure?
Can we learn how to allow each other to have the space and time to just be ourselves without any added pressures of throwing another person in the mix or being labelled as ‘boring’?
Can we learn to not assume people are looking for someone or that there is something wrong with them if they aren’t going on dates every weekend?
Can we learn how each one of us, individually, can just be?
‘What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be’
– Ellen Burstyn