You Haven’t Always Been This Way…

You haven’t always been this way.

Sweetheart, you need to remember that you haven’t always been like this.
You haven’t always wanted to hide yourself away under a mountain of duvets and press them into your mouth so no one can hear you cry at night.
You haven’t always been anxious about getting on trains or going to new destinations, hell, at one point, your heart burned for adventure and you were always ready to pack a bag and go.
You haven’t always been so mindlessly wasting time, trying to find any distraction in the world to make you feel better, whether it was in the bed of some boy or watching hours of reality TV.
You used to read and write, dance and create.
You used to love filming and editing and baking and music.
You had so many dreams.

You haven’t always felt this way and you need to know that you won’t always feel this way either.
You won’t always feel like the girl whose sad all the time.
You won’t always feel alone, wherever you are.
This is temporary, I promise.
Even though this darkness looming over you feels like it’s been here for lifetime and it won’t go away, I promise that it isn’t here to stay.

I promise one day you will be able to dance on the beach, ice tea in hand and not feel like you’re running from something.
You won’t be drinking to forget, you’ll be embracing the moment and movement of the sand between your toes and the waves lapping at your ankles.
I promise one day, you’ll feel the fire inside you burst into an explosion of colour and everything that’s been black and white for such a long time now will suddenly be vibrant again.

You’ll be able to breathe again and not feel like you’re gasping for air.

Who knows when this day will be?
But it could be tomorrow.

You need to keep going, even if it is just to see what happens.

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