- Your first love is going to stick to you like loo roll.
No matter how much you try and shake it, it will still be there. You will trust them and love them with such an intensity that you’ve never felt before. You will go into it full force and fall head over heels without any sort of boundaries, that when they leave, it will feel like you can’t breathe anymore. It will feel like your world has been sucked of colour and you’ll never feel the same again, but you will.
It will be your friends that will be the ones to help step on it and get it off you.
They will stroke your hair whilst you cry and tell you that everything will be okay. They will sit with you for hours and hear every detail a million times over.
Treasure those people, those are your people.
From time to time, the loo roll will try to come back and stick to you again. You may bump into them in the street or be at the same event with them and your heart will pound, you may even drink a bit too much to stop the churning that your tummy is doing or to settle down the banging of your heart around your chest. This is normal and will probably be the case for a long time yet to come.
But you will be okay.
- Your second love will be much more cautious and should be extra careful with your heart.
You will tiptoe around them for a while until you feel comfortable.
They know the pain you went through the last time. They will do some things the same and some things different and you will love them for it all. They will say and do all the right things. They will send flowers to your house and life will be a dream. You will have folded up your first love and crammed them in the very back of your memory cupboard and feel like you’ve been missing out on colours you’ve not noticed for a while.
You may even convince yourself that they are the loves of your lives, which is great, if they are.
But, whatever you do, don’t settle.
Don’t settle out of fear that this is only your second love or from the fear of endings.
Don’t settle for lack of respect and not trusting them wholeheartedly.
Don’t settle or mould around the life they want if you don’t want that as well.
Don’t put them on a pedestal and give them glory for saving you. You did that.
They will teach you a lot about yourself and you will be thankful but when they leave, you’ll feel the colour drain again, but not so much as the first time. You may struggle to breathe again and you may even feel like you’ll never be the same again.
Your people from before, they will be there again.
They will be there for the anger and the drunken voicemails.
The hurt and confusion over ‘How has this happened to me again?!’
You may see them again and a little ‘Oh!’ will jump from your heart to your mouth in a wave. You will remember and let go all in the same moment.
But most importantly, you will be okay.
- The best thing that comes out of heartbreak is knowing that the ‘love of your life’ is still yet to come.
You haven’t missed them, you haven’t just lost them, you are not ‘too damaged’ for them. They will come along, when they are meant to.
They will treat you with all the goodness of those that came before them and more.
And there will not be a doubt in your mind that those who came before were there for the experience, the experience of patience and forgiveness or the experience of loss and appreciation.
You will be a better person because of those experiences, as long as you let them heal and not let them hinder.
Your people from before, will be there again.
They will be there to encourage you and celebrate with you.
To let you look back and see how far you’ve come.
And you will be okay.
- The biggest thing I’ve learnt so far is that sometimes romantic love is overrated.
Sometimes, soulmates show themselves as best friends. They will show you what unconditional love is by being there through everything and everyone who comes in and out of your life. They will see your flaws and not walk away. You may hurt them and they may hurt you but you will heal each other through love and respect. There may not be flowers or notes left on car windshields but there will be real and raw, honest conversations and emotions. You will see the soul of another person and they will see yours and still, they decide to stay with you through life.
If you take anything from this, it should be that you can not settle for any romantic love that treats you any less than your soulmates treat you.
Do not settle for anything less than how your best friends makes you feel or how they speak about you when your not around.
- It’s okay to not be in love with a person right now.
It’s perfectly acceptable to be in love with whatever sparks a fire inside of you.
Whatever sets your soul alight and whenever you talk about it, you can’t help but start to feel like your heart is pounding out of you chest.
Whether that’s your friends, bonfires, books or the sight of oncoming thunderstorms. Whether it’s starting a family full of puppies, travelling the world or creating amazing businesses or pieces of art.
You are not a half and you do not have to be in love or have ever been in love to know about it. It is your experience, whatever that may be, it is valid. Some of the best advice I have ever received has been from someone I love, who has never been in a relationship before and her thoughts and opinions are still valid and valuable.
You are a COMPLETE whole as you are. Do not let anyone tell you, or make you feel any different.
And in case you are going through a heartbreak or you feel like you will never find love, you will be okay.